I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
