i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
