I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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