quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
