Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
