I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
