Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
