yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
