and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
