I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
