Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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