My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
