Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
