Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
