Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
