Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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