Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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