This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
