to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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