I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
