Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
