Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
