i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
