meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
