we're chasing vodka with high fives
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
4 words: hood of his car
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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