I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
