Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
