Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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