Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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