I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
