The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he high fived his dick after we had sex
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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