I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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