would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
