so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
