He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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