There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
