They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
