I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
