For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
