Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
