If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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