i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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