I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
