I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
