"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
