Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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