she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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