I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
