She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
