conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
