i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
